Confession

 Most people that knows me in real life probably heard me complaining about the system, no matter the education system or the political system. But that might just be because I am not a winner in these systems, and the only thing I can do is to complain and find the flaws in it.

Everything in life has it ups and downs, so does the system that we live in. Am I someone that did not gain any advantages in these systems? No I am not, in fact I am someone that were gifted to be able to advance in the system but I decided to give up the chance and now I can only complain about it. 

How did I give up my chance? I did not invest my time correctly for example: studying, doing thing that improves yourself. Instead I spend my free time in these fantasy world, such as video games, movies, tv shows books etc... I am not saying you shouldn't but you should not put all your time into it.  It is also one thing that I fear in my future once I started working, I might feel like I do not have enough time or mind power to study or improve myself. Which is mostly lies that you make yourself believe in. Trust me after 5 minutes of reading a book or studying something, your mind will be fully engaged in it, even though, you might not feel like it or feels tired, but once the habit is set you will not feel that anymore. 

Although the capitalism endorse the pursue of the materialistic good in a similar manner a hedonist would approach life, but that does not mean that we don't have a choice. We have the choice to choose where to invest our time in after work. However, most of us would choose to relax and not try and improve ourselves. Which is the same approach I got, where after school I would just play games and ignore other ways to improve myself. You might say I read and study things outside of school. But that's because it generate joy for me to do those stuff, and it isn't because I wanted to improve myself. It is the joy that pulls me to do it. Just as someone gets the dopamine out of chocolate. Would I say I really learn anything in it, I don't really think so. Since I just believe that I learned all of the things I read and I do not go back and reengage on things that I have learned nor do I challenge it once I believe it is true. 

The true ways to learn is to constantly putting yourself in a uncomfortable situation where you have to challenge every single views you have got, which I have failed to do so since I dislike the discomfort that it brought. Which I imagined that I did and think that I have overcome the difficult situation but in fact I am just escaping from it. The real growth comes from facing fear and not escaping from it. In order to improve you have to live with fear and not live without fear. This is a confession that I wanted to make that I constantly try to live without fear and now I must try to engage and live with it.